Remember Me
by ebullience-JJ
Summary: One day, Shindou Hikaru started carrying around a fan and Touya found himself growing curious. A study on how in remembrance of someone, someone else becomes forgotten.


I'm on my break and was digging through my files when I found this. Since I haven't updated in _years_ and I had nothing to do, I thought I might as well finish it up and post it.

Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go does not belong to me.

Summary: One day, Hikaru started carrying around a fan and Touya finds himself growing curious. A study on how in remembrance of someone, someone else becomes forgotten.

Remember Me

He took it everywhere he went: to the Go Association, the cafeteria, home, ramen joints and especially to his games. He clutched it in his hands, had it in his pocket, or was placed inside his atrociously yellow backpack. The paper fan was always next to Shindou Hikaru, so much so that some wondered if he goes to sleep with it in his hands. After a while, some even began to associate the fan with the young player. 'A trademark symbol,' some thought.

Touya Akira himself wasn't exactly sure as to what the paper fan meant to his rival, but knew that it gave the boy strength. He was brought up in a fairly strict household and was taught that it was impolite to pry into other people's business; however the sudden appearance of the fan made him curious. Did it hold some personal meaning? It was of course rude to be so nosy, but Touya figured he had known Shindou long enough that it was sort of okay. Besides, as his rival in go he should know about the little things that connected Shindou to the game. The boy still owes him. After all, the young sho-dan still hadn't muttered a peep about _'_sai' and Touya was tolerating it and waiting patiently. Sort of…

When Shindou showed up one day with the paper fan, Touya wondered if it was one of those things regular teenagers did; carrying accessories to make themselves look cool or something. Though he was fairly sure the paper fan had the opposite effect and aged him instead. He had overheard Waya talking to a familiar female insei. Touya couldn't quite recall her name. 'Was it Nami? No, that doesn't sound right.'

"So what happened? With that paper fan, Shindou-kun looks like he belongs with the elderly pros. The traditional accessory completely clashes with his sense of style," Nase observed thoughtfully as the subject of her comments walked straight to the game room.

Waya glanced at the paper fan. It was pretty cheap, not particularly interesting, the type that you can buy at any souvenir shop. He too wondered what had overcome Shindou, the complete model opposite for go, to buy the trinket. "I'm not sure. We were talking about the Hokuto Cup near the souvenir shop. Then it caught his eye and he just suddenly went and bought it he said. Well, it's probably one of those things Shindou does that we shouldn't even bother thinking about. I'd rather not have a headache during my match."

Touya had finished his game early that day, and as a reflex, looked at how his rival was doing. Surprised, he couldn't help but quirk his brow. Shindou was going against a 6-dan. Touya wasn't too worried, but of course the boy had just come out of his relapse and started getting into a regular game schedule. Shindou looked at the board with concentration, then after a moment, straightened up, and grabbed the paper fan he had just bought. Touya observed, as he walked to record his win, that Shindou was clutching the fan tightly, as if with new found resolution. After knowing the boy for so many years, he knew then that Shindou would not, under any circumstances, lose this game. The boy probably made his mind up already.

After that day, Shindou brought the paper fan along to every single game. Observers and opponents began to notice. When a counter took too long to come he would, probably unconsciously, tap a go-ke with the wooden side of the fan. Of course his opponents became startled and some of the less-talented ones would begin to grow afraid, and after a bit would bow in resignation. Some of the much stronger players who've been playing the game for many years shook their heads in dismay. 'Another psychological attack to scare their opponents away,' they thought. It was no secret that some used mind tricks before or during the game to scare the opponent into submission. Even the current Honninbo used such underhanded tricks during title games. Some came to the conclusion that Shindou Hikaru was desperate enough to win games using such tactics.

'No, it's not because of that,' Touya thought. Go was a complicated game. A battle of the minds, and some say luck is involved. However, beautiful games of go can only happen between equals, those who stand of the same field. Go players should have confidence in their Go. They shouldn't fall for petty mind games or else the winner of the game would already be decided. Instead of being scared of a little tapping noise or little threats said in passing, they should think about the person's go. 'Besides, Shindou isn't the type of guy who'd revert to that type of play just to win. He's better than that. For someone who's so unconnected to the world of Go, he knows that winning with your own go is something that should not be tampered with.'

As several days passed, Shindou's momentum kept building and Touya started to contemplate on a possible situation in which his rival catches up to him. The boy had always been behind him, he was moving forwards but he was always behind him. The thought of Shindou finally standing on equal ground with him thrilled Touya.

Touya wasn't the only one paying attention. After Shindou's disappearance, fans and other acquaintances wondered if that brilliance they saw was just a spur of the moment. As they saw the wins pile up they returned to their usual habit of looking for news about the sho-dan. Whatever had kept the boy away from the goban for months, he had obviously dealt with it. 'He's been reborn with vigor.' Even when he lost to Morishita 9-dan, his determination didn't seem to waver.

With the days leading up to the Hokuto Cup, Shindou was seen clutching the paper fan even more. It went with him in the preliminaries, through his battle with Yashiro, and during the practice games at Touya's house. Yashiro had poked fun at Shindou when he noticed the frequency of fan's appearance.

"Hey I thought you were one of those counter-culture go types? What's with the geezer fan?"

The remark had prompted a cheeky response out of Shindou Hikaru that resulted in Yashiro dropping the matter with a huff.

So it wasn't just a fan after all. The strong, defensive reaction tempted Touya enough to ask.

"So, why exactly have you decided to carry a fan?"

Shidou looked at him with a slight smile gracing his lips. The same secretive smile he held when Touya had prodded him about _sai. _It infuriated Touya, because he knew then that Shindou would reply but he wouldn't answer.

"Well, it's sort of lonely isn't? Being in front of the board... There's your opponent, but you couldn't share your happiness with them when you win or your frustration when you lose. It's sort of comforting to have it around."

Touya looked at him incredulously and stated one of the beliefs shared by the pros, "There are no friends on the go-board."

"Well..." Shindou drifted off, still wearing that damned smile of his.

Touya had an inkling the paper fan had a connection with _sai_ since the beginning but didn't pursue the idea. He didn't want to be driven crazy with curiosity. He looked at the paper fan again. It was cheap. It looked like a regular, mass-produced paper fan. He doesn't want to think he's envious of a _thing_, but it was going to see countless of brilliant games played and be held by the hand that created those games. The fan would be able to watch the boy grow into one of the most fearsome players.

It was as if Shindou had found his companion in Go, the companion that will achieve the Hand of God alongside him. The rest of the people in his path to achieve that seemed to just be stepping stones. Touya wondered if Shindou even remembered his promise to catch up to Touya. Well perhaps he did. He'll catch up and move right along past him. Touya frowned at the thought.

'But... What about me?'


End file.
